TS3 Legacy: Of Horses & Egypt

(This was copied from here)

Welcome to the first real episode of my Sims 3 Legacy. I’m afraid I don’t have a fancy name for it because I can’t name my own stories (As evidenced by “Abandoned Gardens”), but hopefully you’ll enjoy it.

We should start off with some formal introductions. Originally I was going to introduce all of the ghosts too, but it got a bit overboard.

It’s late at night, so the humans are sleeping, but most of the pets are out and about:

This is Cookie, our heir’s horse, spotting a ghost and being pretty uncertain about it.

Upstairs on the second floor are two of the 5000 cats: Fuzzball is the orange one, with Patches in the front. I’m not sure what they think they’re doing. Maybe there’s a bug on the wall?

And here we see–

Hold up, isn’t this Fuzzball again? Who is this? It can’t be Anita, Anita’s old. It’s not Ferdinand or Sebastian. Who are you, mystery cat?!

See, THIS is Anita. So who the hell are you, mystery cat?

You have too many cats if they don’t remember them all.

(P.S. I looked at my photos up close. THe cat with Patches is Ferdinand. Just couldn’t tell from Photobucket shrinking the photo)

Since the family is still asleep, I go see what else is happening.

This disco zombie was in a hurry. She was running to the best of her zombie ability.

The Paparazzi Zombie went after Chris, some stupid son from the future who promptly eaten by the Cow Plant, because it loves me.

Wait, Chris, why are you freaking out? You’re already dead! It can’t do anything to you!

Disco Zombie takes offense to Chris, even though he already recovered from his trauma and went inside. He can’t be in your way if he’s no longer there.

Time passes, and it’s time for everyone to get up. This is Daniel, the eldest, contemplating life after Tigger finally died tragically passed.

This is Annette, our heir, who instead of sobbing about death wakes up stoned and thinking about herself. Way to be self-centered.

And sobbing that he’s starving is Abraham. Don’t give me that shit, there are leftover pancakes in the fridge.

We start the morning off with the snake dying. Julia and the cats find this simply unacceptable. “First Tigger and now the snake? How will we go on?!”

Despite this trauma, everyone gets through the day just fine. After Annette gets home, I have her spend some time with Cookie so she can train the horse. Everything is going so well that I have her try to mount her:

… At which point things went decidedly not-so-well. And right in front of the paparazzi too.

Honestly, we spent a lot of thing scolding this horse. This time she ate a plant. You have hay and grass, stupid horse!

I give up and send Annette to do her homework, while Daniel gets to write a love letter to one of his baby mamas (I think this was a potential one). He and his giant nose think very carefully about it, but Annette already looks disillusioned.

Since it’s a holiday, Julia gets invited to a costume party by a long-time creeper crush, Cycl0n3 Sw0rd. There are a lot of hot dog costumes, but this werewolf made it unique by ripping the head off.

As the party goes on, Julia gets bored and… Pulls out a bird? Where did that come from?! Better put it away, the werewolf looks hungry.

Meanwhile, I send Daniel to hang out with an old friend (followed by Zombie Paparazzi), but he’s being a kill-joy.

“My… My cat died last night. I… I don’t know how to go on.”
“Just advance in your career.”

While everyone’s busy doing stuff, I try to set up some of their 1000 rewards. I think I broke physics with this one.

I send Annette back out to her horse, but seriously, this shit always happens. My horses have to spin around three times and do a tango every time my Sim interacts with them, and half of the time they do THIS. “Uh dur, Annette is in the way, I can’t move!” JUST SHUFFLE A FEW INCHES OVER, COOKIE.

Eventually they recovered from that bullshit, and Annette was able to ride her! She reminded me how this horse kicked her but I ignored her, and off she went!

… And then Officer Killjoy showed up. My Sim was actually ON HER WAY HOME, and had to turn around to get to Officer Killjoy. Should have just ignored him Annette.

Annette leads Cookie straight through the quicksand cop car…

And then stops. I could already see where this was going.

Sure enough, Cookie says Officer Killjoy is in the way of her getting to Officer Killjoy.

What I WASN’T expecting was for Annette to teleport…

Then stand on top of the saddle to change clothes…

Then vanish into the cop car with Officer Killjoy, leaving Cookie to find her own way home. Rude.

Anette had an earfull waiting for at home. “What the hell, Mom?! I was just riding my horse! I was on my way home!”

“I don’t care what you were doing, young woman! You were out after curfew, and with a horse?! What were you planning, a Wild West shootout? Get in the house!”

That done, I send the family to bed for a quiet night…

… Only for the stove to catch fire. For the record, Chris floated into the room to freak out. The stove caught fire when NO ONE WAS IN THERE. I can only assume Chris was making food then left, but you never know with my games.

Julia wakes up and is joined by her dead husband in flipping their shit over the fire.

Abraham and Daniel come running downstairs, while a cat teleports inside the house because it was… Stuck on a bush?

As the fire grows, Daniel begins to extinguish it. At least one of my Sims has common sense.

Then as he gets the stove fire out, ANOTHER cat teleports in! What the hell, Patches, you don’t even have a reason!

The fire department FINALLY shows up, and the first thing he does is flirt with Julia. Come on, man.

Also I just noticed that ANOTHER cat was teleporting! I was too busy laughing at the fireman flirting to notice when I took this photo.

The fireman pretends to be useful, even though Daniel had everything under control.

With the fire gone, everyone takes stock of the situation… Namely that they say hello, admire the chocolate fountain, or complain they’re starving. Daniel continues to spray fire retardant THROUGH the fireman. I think you can get arrested for that, Daniel.

Annette, meanwhile, slept through the whole thing.

So after that traumatic night, the day goes by, and Daniel gets invited to a party. Score! I have him begin making the moves on his first baby-mama… And some asshole starts booing them. Fuck off, woman, we’re busy here!

Tamara accepts the “Try for Baby” option. Hurray! But the bed they picked had some asshole sleeping in it. I kick them out, but then Tamara gets stuck in the bathroom.

“Oh my GOD, you are such an unlucky loser! Why the fuck are you even here?!”
What? It’s not MY fault the toilet broke! No one here flushes!

Tamara’s face says it all.

In the end, they tried for a baby and she got pregnant. Woo!

Meanwhile, it was approaching 5-6AM, so I decided that should be late enough that Annette won’t get brought home by the police. I send her up the street with Cookie…

DAMMIT.

Cookie trots over to Officer Killjoy…

… While even Annette seems really shocked by this. “It’s 6:30AM, officer, I’d be awake to get ready for school anyway.”

Adding insult to injury, Annette falls off Cookie, forcing the horse to phase into Officer Killjoy.

To give you an idea of how stupid this way, Officer Killjoy literally drove her ONE HOUSE DOWN. She was two houses away from home, at 6AM. Would he arrest paper deliverers?

“Again, Annette?! Again?!”

I love how Julia is building charisma by yelling at her daughter.

By the way, another cat was added to the family: Sebastian.

I sent Annette to try and repair the dishwasher:

And jumped out of my SKIN when this happened. Maybe someone else should fix the dishwasher…

So instead I have her catch up with Julia, since their relationship was hit pretty hard by Officer Killjoy’s asshattery. If only Annette looked more enthusiastic. “Heeeey, Mom, great joooooob being so hard-worrrrrking.”

And then, at long last, Annette became an adult! In the middle of the yard. Cookie watched briefly, then walked away. What a worthless family.

I offer this without explanation.

“Seriously, Grandma? I need to impress you to talk to you! I’m fucking starving, and we’re FAMILY!”

Apparently I’m an asshole as a ghost.

Back with Cookie, Annette discovers some of the finer points of horse riding.

But we’re finally free! No more Officer Killjoy! We can go riding any time, any day!

Um, Annette, it’s just the science center. You’re approaching for a job. No need to look so worried.

Meanwhile, back at home, Julia slaps the shit out of Zombie Paparazzi.

So after all this mess, I decide it’s time to send the family on their first vacation. To Egypt!

“Mom, once again, I really admire your– Are you wearing a onesie?!”

Daniel, unused to not having food in the fridge, puts two packages of hot dogs on a stick, grills them, and eats them.

Not sure if he’s doing this wrong or brilliant right.

So Annette got an Adventure to befriend an Egyptian, and I accepted because SUPER EASY. I send her to a random house.

This doesn’t look encouraging.

No, really, I don’t think you’re wel–

“Your brother is a stupid fat face with weird hair!”

Oh boy.

“And you know what else is stupid? The colour black! You stupid goth!”

Seriously. This guy kept walking up to Annette and insulting her hugely.

“And you look like a yeti! A stupid yeti!”

Because Annette is a Good Sim and I’m an asshole, I still have her try to make nice.

“Pssst, I got some juicy gossip, you want it?”

“Look, I’m sorry. It’s just my house, you see–”

“– We have quicksand counters that make lunch difficult. I own no entertainment. Not even a TV! It’s like EA Games thinks this is the dark ages.”

“Look, I understand. We have quicksand counters too. But you’ve humiliated me and we don’t even know each other!”

“I’m humiliated too! I have no job, barely any food–”

“You know what is more important than your humiliation. We have DIRTY DISHES!”

I was very amused by this point. She seriously waltzed over to complain about the dishes.

“It’s all YOUR fault! You’re the reason my life sucks and we have dirty dishes!”
“Seriously, man?! We were just having a heart-to-heart!”

“Okay, look, so we have this serving dish, which is almost the size of — Wife, let me borrow your head for a bit — almost the size of this, and it’s made of–”

“My… My god. What have I done?!”
“You killed her! Another one! This is why we aren’t invited to family functions anymore!”

Needless to say, I did not return to this house.

While all of that was happening, Daniel and his giant nose were flirting with a rock. Daniel, you need some help.

So all good (and hilarious) things must come to an end, and soon we were back in Sunset Valley–

Where the brothers melded into one and complained that they smelled. Or were making out. Julia’s walking away either way.

Um, bro, could you get out of my neck, this is really uncomfortable…

And that’s the end of this “episode”. Stay tuned next time for Cow Plants and moving neighborhoods!

Tschuess.

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TS3 Legacy: Of Horses & Egypt

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