TS3 Legacy: Death in Paradise

Hello everyone and welcome back to my TS3 Legacy!  Last time we were here, it was still 2015, and the family had just departed from their glitchy home in Twinbrook in the desperate hope that we can keep this legacy going without invisible Sims and rescuing horses from quick-grass.  And where did our 6th-generation family head off to?

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The beautiful town of Hidden Springs!  Hidden Springs is probably my favourite world in TS3.  It’s a perfect blend of rural and suburban, with pretty scenery and lots of green.  If I could, I’d live there in real life.

Anyway, we bought the biggest house around, since we have tons of money and tons of family.

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So after what was probably hours of decorating, knowing me, we have everything the family could wish for.  A bug stand for the cats…

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A rocking chair and fireplace for Charles…

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A skilling room for Emilia, though that does not appear to have anything to do with styling…

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A bunch of creepy gnomes that will no doubt soon find a way to get in my way and piss me off…

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And a small graveyard, complete with wild horses stomping on through!  Yes, everything my Sims could ever wish for.

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“She lies, dammit!  LIES!  FIGHT THE PLAYERARCHY!”

Yeah, whatever, Emilia.  Let’s find you a husband.

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So we weren’t in Hidden Springs long when we find this chiseled man, Pierce Shawkti!  As you can see, Emilia immediately sets the tone by asking about his job.

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While at home, Charles watches TV with one of the kittens.  How I love this Sim.

“What do you think, Muchi?  Does Celeste really love Bernard?”
“Hell no, human, she has the hots for Stephen.  They’re going to have kittens any day now.”

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“I pulled these flowers out of my ass, Pierce.  Do you like them?”

Gosh, what a romantic gift, don’t you think?

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I guess Pierce WAS impressed, as Emilia snagged her first kiss to the interest of absolutely no one else in the building.  Then go fishing, kid!  Jeez.

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And yet when we ask him to go steady, he rejects her!  Sheesh, Pierce, you don’t want to be exclusive with a lady you just met?  What’s wrong with you?

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That was thunder, Muchi, not a fox.  Get a clue.

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So the first day on the job was rough for our metrosexual-emo paparazzi, what with ghost!Daisy (or I think that’s Daisy?) popping out and all.

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“So I wanted to watch TV; what’s wrong with that?”
“Whoa, is THAT what made that loud booming?”

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Mr. Paparazzi did prove helpful once he recovered from his trauma and kept Cocoa or whoever this is from being taken by the social worker.  Thanks, dude!

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“Gosh, I hope this moisturizer works.  This new climate really isn’t helping my wrinkles.”

Charles: once a snob, always a snob.

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Sasha, meanwhile, was out at a concert for what I can only presume was a country singer.  I think that’s Pierce to the right of her, not sure.

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Pick your own caption!

“Gosh, that moisturizer didn’t work at all!  I better phone customer support!”
“I do question this website telling me to rub the soot ALL over my body, but it did promise to make me look younger…”
“Maybe I had the hair dryer set too high.”

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So that night we had a fun welcoming committee in the form of a very stupid burglar.  Let’s watch with Boots and Kim, shall we?

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My Sims, as you can see, were EXCITED at the prospect.  They were ready for blood.

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Well, I thought they were.

“Hey, burglar!  Think you can do THIS?!”

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“God, Dad, can’t you get a BETTER umbrella?!”
“Shut up, missy.  I rock this umbrella and you know it.”
“Did I do my homework last night?”

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“Um, Dad is in the way of me beating up the burglar!”
“Um, the burglar is in the way of me beating up Dad!”
“Is this how all humans solve issues?”

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“All right, whippersnapper, let me show you how fights are REALLY done!”

Yeah, that’s right. Our two young ladies, one of them a werewolf, sat around and let their old father handle the burglar.

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“Hell yeah, this will make for an AWESOME newspaper article!”
“Um, I can’t get to the fight because Elwood is in the way!”

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“Ha!  Teach you to rob a werewolf’s house!”
“Jeez, man, I think you wrenched my spine!”

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“Shit, they have a ghost horse too?!  I better blast off.”

Yes, the burglar just drove away.  It’s that kind of neighborhood.

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“Hey Dad, those were some pretty good moves, but can you take me?”
“You’re on!”

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“Haha, not a chance, Dad!”
“Well next time YOU handle the burglar!”

As the paparazzi comes in WAY late for the party.

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“Oh my god, can I get your picture!  Please?!”
“Dude, where were you when I was fighting a burglar?!”
“Playing with your baby horsie.”

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“Ooooh, baby, the way you handled that burglar was stunning.”
“I’ll happily take YOUR spectral lovin’.”

I sure hope so, considering you two were married.

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(Psst, the game crashed, and the next time that burglar came, it WAS Sasha who beat his ass.  Don’t tell Charles!)

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Dude, if you need to pee that badly, GO HOME.  No one is forcing you to creep out here.

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Dear EA: phone screens do not magically enlarge when you use them.  Thank you.

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So despite the crashing, I was still trying my best to do Emilia’s rolled career.

“So, I basically want to look strong and powerful, but with needlepoint heels.  Can you do that?”

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“Oh my god, I can’t believe she dressed me like THIS.  What will they all say?!”

They’ll say you look pretty, you ungrateful brat.

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So thanks to Mr. Paparazzi, Cocoa survived childhood and grew up into a lovely horse in front of the cowplant.  Hooray!

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“Ugh, death stinks.  Haven’t they heard of SHOWERS?”

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So Emilia’s LTW is to be an Equestrian, and SOMEONE needs to get Cocoa trained up.  Unfortunately, Emilia here may be the wrong choice for several reasons.

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She also may need to work on her romancing, though cornering Pierce behind the bushes DID get him to accept going steady!

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“SCREW Pierce!  We have enough Sims in this household!”

Oh shut up, Kim.

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So for the first time ever, Emilia utterly fucks a style.

“Um, well, I couldn’t find my scissors so… Tada?”

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Sidney was similar unimpressed, despite how pretty she looked.

“Look, you have to match the shoes with SOMETHING, and the colours match!  Teenagers, ugh!”

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And another fuck-up!

“It looked GREAT on the mannequin, I swear!”

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“Whatever, I don’t even WANT to be a stylist.  My place is on the back of a horse, in a dress that presumably is now ripped in half.”

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Meanwhile, Charles is still the only one to give two shits about the cats.

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I suspect he may be spending a BIT too much time with them, though.

“Haha, wanna see how many hot dogs I can eat at once?!  THIS MANY!”

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“You know what?  Screw styling.  I’m joining my true profession: HORSEMANSHIP.”

It’s true.  My game was constantly crashing.  I was saving before doing a makeover, and trying to save after a makeover, but I kept losing time and it was frustrating me.  Selena and I agreed that the rules allowed me to reroll since it was fucking up my game, and lo and behold, we got something that matched her lifetime want.  Now the horses can maybe get more attention!

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But first, Sasha’s goofy face when playing the bass.  You’re welcome.

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“Braaaaaaaaahp — See?  Now do you have anything for indigestion?”

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“YES, I’m a ghost, Boots!  Now can you get out of the way?  I want to haunt the stall!”

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At which point I show Boots that if you want to say hello, you have to sniff politely.

“Hmmm, smells like ectoplasm!”
“Smells like stupid.”

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“We must protect this one, Elwood.  He is the one who cares.”
“Zzzzz… Fancy Feast…”

This story briefly interrupted by my own cat being utterly silly.

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Um, excuse me, paparazzi, what did our weird gnome ever do to you?

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“Um, excuse me, I can’t get to the coffee bar because a ghost is in my way!”

Yeah, we brought along this cowplant victim.  He feeds the cats!

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“Um, excuse me, I can’t get to the coffee bar–”

Yeah, yeah.  Why he’s taking that long, who knows.  Must be tiring being a ghost.

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“Forget being a GHOST, it’s hard being a HUMAN.  Come on, Kim, let’s go… Somewhere.”

Poor Charles is really starting to show his age.

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Meanwhile, look who came to visit early in the morning!  Selena’s Russian Blue, Whiskers!

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Say hi, Boots!

“But he’s totally ignoring me.”

He’s a cat; that’s what they do.

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So we decided to hold a party for some reason; I can’t remember what.  And Jenny Lhao here was a total gold digger throughout it.

“Look at these beeeeautiful roses, Mr. Whelohff.”
“What?!  Who are you, harpy?!”

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“Oh, Pierce, I love you dearly…”

You could look a little more excited, Sidney.

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“Marry me, Pierce, and become part of our legacy!”
“Ugh, I can’t believe that no-life celebrity proposed.”

Oh shut up, Sidney.

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Yep, we snagged him, Commitment Issues be damned!

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And then Grim interrupted the mood.

“Me?  You’re the one with a cowplant.”

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“Come to me, first idiot victim of Hidden Springs.”
“Whoa, do you guys always kill people?”
“Now, now, they take the cake of free will.  I don’t think you can blame us.”

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“Hmm, I’m not sure she quite fell for it.  I’m going to give logic another go.”

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“Nah, forget it, logic is too boring.  Time for booze!”

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“Bad cat!  No matter HOW evil the gnome is, you have scratching posts for a reason!”

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Since Sasha clearly needed better things to do, I sent her out on the town.  What she’s doing here, I’m not sure; new job?  New heist?

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We then headed off to the Fall Festival, where we found the mayor having some incontinence issues.  Dude, there’s definitely a bathroom on the grounds.

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Meanwhile…

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED FROM HORSEBACK RIDING!!”

Well, Boots does have level 10 Racing.

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Wait, I… Buh… Did he die from incontinence?!

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“Haha, now that I’m dead, I can eat whatever I want!  I’ll show you, werewolf girl!”

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“Yeah, whatever.  Call me when you have mastered the art of eating, buddy.”

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“Whoa, that wasn’t so bad after all!  Maybe I could get somewhere in this profession!”

And it doesn’t crash the game, either!

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Meanwhile, at home, the kittens grew up.  Can you see why I picked Muchi?

“You better pick me, punk, or I’m going to kick your ass.”

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So Sasha came home from the festival with the desire to make the home more festive.

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Sometimes, you have to indulge your Sims.

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“Ugh, can’t you fix the dishwasher faster?”
“Can’t YOU fix the SINK faster?!  It’s just a sink!”
“You have what, a bazillion Handiness points?”

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“Now this, my dear, is TALENT.  I shall make this drink in THE LAMP.”
“Yeah, whatever, man.”

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And who’s this?  Why, it’s my simself!  You may recall that this legacy actually had me as the founder, but it’s been six generations and Edith was adopted, so whatever.  Time to see what embarrassing things I do!

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Though really, I have company.

“Yeah, that’s definitely a baby in there!”

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Being Sims, everyone wanted to go to the bar.  And I do mean everyone.  Even me, for some reason.

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“My house is NOT an 80s piece of shit, Mennon!  You better respect my property when here!”

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“Well hel-LO there, neighbor.”

Really, Sasha?  The metrosexual paparazzi?

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“Look at meeeee, I’m a pretty fairiiiieeeeeee–”
“Would you get your hand OFF of me, you freak?!”

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“How ’bout a little bit of FIZZ?!”
“Hey, could you give me a drink?  I need one.”

As you can see, we invited very classy people to the bachelorette party.

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Excuse me, simself, how much are you putting in that drink?!

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I mean, really?  It was overflowing already; why are you adding MORE?

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“Oh boy, oh boy, I hope Emilia likes the drink!”

You probably gave her alcohol poisoning with it, me.

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“Heeeeey, baby, how’d you like to join the mile-high program with me?”

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Excuse me, Sebastian, but that’s NOT your tub!  What is with bachelor/ette parties that make Sims insane?!

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“Look, I’m just not sure you’re my type.  I don’t want to break your heart.”

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“Now you, baby, you would be GREAT in a movie.  Just a bit more makeup and…”

Excellent, my simself is hanging out with white trash.

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“Oh, I think you’ll find my heart pretty strong.”

EEEEEGads, Sasha, look at him; there must be somewhere better!

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“No, Sasha!  Don’t listen to the judgmental narrator!  Go for it!”

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And yep, they went for it.  I don’t know.  I let my Sims pick their mates, and Sasha liked the wacky paparazzi, it seemed.

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Ahhhh, now I KNOW it was one of my Sim’s parties.

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Sadly, he did not get eaten.

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“Do you think we can ever find anyone as awesome as us, Anna?”
“I don’t think so, Eunice.  We’re pretty fucking awesome.”

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“Hey, thanks for the party!  Can we have them more often?”

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“Ugh, thanks for the party!  Think we could NOT have them?”

Seriously, I fucking hate how EVERYTHING breaks during a bachelor/ette party.  What the fuck is the reason for that?  A sim so much as pokes the sink and BOOM waterfall!

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So it’s wedding day, and what do I find?  That one of the horses devoured the garden…

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The backyard is spontaneously on fire…

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And Muchi is quite possibly the mastermind.

Well, let’s invite over the guests!

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So how did we start the wedding?  By murdering a guest!

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“Ugh, how boring.  I’ve seen better deaths.”

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Oh, good, Charles.  Way to start off the wedding.

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“Argh, I can’t TAKE it anymore!  All of the broken lights, then this— AAAAAAAAUGH”

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And that’s how Charles caused several guests to pee themselves and pass out.  Good times!

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“Man, this wedding is rocking!  Time to make a bigger bonfire!”

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“Oh my god, it’s Sidney!  What do I do, what do I do?!”

Laugh at the wacky dancing going on?

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Or… You could join in the embarrassing dancing.  That works too.

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“Look Emilia, it’s getting late.  Could we get married now?”
“Oh I guess.  But I was so having fun fueling the bonfire.”

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“So, why is Francesca looking the other way?”
“They’re royalty, Pierce.  Don’t question them.”

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“What’s that?  Daughter’s finally getting married?  ‘Bout time!”

Charles, what in god’s name are you wearing?

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“Where the hell IS everyone, Emilia?”
“They’re probably stuck at the bar.  Just get out the ringers.”

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And they barely got into the ceremony before Charles started bawling.  D’aw ❤

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“Oh my gosh, it’s so beautiful!”
“Was your wedding like this, Mom?”
“Yay, my Sims made it to the altar!”
“Screw this, I’m tired.”

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And here’s the picture-perfect wedding, complete with the tired asshole.

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“So the wedding was great and all, but can we send everyone home now?”

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It’s called waiting your turn, Charles.

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So Pierce came in halfway to Elder, so the first order of business was drinking some of that sweet, sweet wedding guest.

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And for the first time ever, we have a dog in the house!  Yumi here came with Pierce and…

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Sidney!  Who I thought was Pierce’s sister, not daughter, d’oh.

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The good news is that the cats and dog were getting along.

“I guess you’re tolerable, dog.”

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“Oh my GOD, I have to do HOMEWORK now?!”

Yep!  Welcome to the legacy household!

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“I came in here expecting cute babies and baby toys, Grandpa Charles.  Not HOMEWORK.”

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Don’t worry, Sidney — those babies may be closer than you think.

And that’s that, folks!  Tune in next time to find out: will Sidney survive her new homework regimen?  Will Zo’s nose continue to pollute our gene pool?  Will the cowplant murder more Sims?  And will we ever stop adding animals to the household?!

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TS3 Legacy: Death in Paradise

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