TS3 Legacy: Evil Bruce Hunting

Sorry for that title.

Welcome back to my TS3 Legacy!  Last time we were here, Bruce moved in his evil girlfriend Shawanda and got another kid out of her, then we kicked her out so the family could pack their bags and leave Hidden Springs behind.  With a bunch of horses and cats, and a tendency to murder people, where could this family possibly be accepted?

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Sunlit Tides!

We snatched up the big-ass house by the beach with a separate guest house.  Lots of room for a multigenerational family an dthe five thousand pets.

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First things first, I removed the guest house so we could put in a nice, big garden instead.

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“Um, hello, I can’t get through the front door!”

Sigh.

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The next thing I did was take our roughly five thousand books and spread them throughout the house.  I hate how the books just explode out of inventory when you delete a bookshelf.

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And then I kicked Patches out.  Sorry Patches.

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“Hell yeah, a new house!  Perfect for dancing!”

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“Hell yeah, a new house!  Perfect for gaming!”

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“Hell yeah, a new house!  Perfect for blackmail!”

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So we had barely lived in Sunlit Tides two hours when the paparazzi showed up, or at least I think that’s who that lady is.

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“Yay, a new house!  Pewfect for BEATINGS!”

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And look at the big, beautiful backyard!

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Complete with a giant amount of crap in the house.

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“Screw this house.  We’re going somewhere better, Laura.”

Bring your granddaughter back, Pierce!

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“Hmmm, I swore there was something I was supposed to do with dirty dishes… Hmm.”

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“Oh jeez.  First night in the town and we get a nerd zombie.  Great.”

One who is afraid of the dark, too!

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And then basically every single ghost came out for good measure.

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As long as Charles has his rocking chair and fireplace, life is good.

… Is that a fire alarm on the window?  Whoops.

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Such romantic scenery for some good ol’ horse fornication.

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“Jackrabbit, I need a sla– I mean girlfriend, that’s right.  Girlfriend.  Let’s go on the town.”

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I send him down to what might be my Bro’s Coffee & Shows lot, and who do we find but Tonya Tamarind, who promptly finds Bruce hot.

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“So baby, are you into crime and punishment?”

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And while interviewing Tonya, who do we see but Angarika Goyave!  Eeeee, blond hair!  Forget the brunette, Bruce, we need some variety!

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Back at home…

“Here, Mommy dearest.  Some hot dogs.”
“You don’t need to be so snarky about it, young man.”
“I’m a teenager.  Yes I do.”

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So Angarika was our stalker paparazzi, and unfortunately, she was none too thrilled with Bruce.

“Ugh, that sweater, those colours!  I’m going to puke!”

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“Someday, bugs.  Someday, I will be bigger, and I will get you.”

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“Excellent, young one.  Make those bugs uneasy.  Let them feel your stare.”

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“I can’t believe this nonsense, Laura.  Dragged away from our mother.  Sure, she was batshit crazy, but come on…”

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So considering how disinterested Angarika was, I send Bruce back down to the coffee shop, where I guess Tonya must work since she was there to be interviewed again.

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And success!  Another dark-haired Sim but eh, oh well.

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“Ah, Emilia, remember when we used to lie like this when the kids were little?”
“Yes, my love.  It’s great to have those days behind us.  You, me, and quiet…”

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Okay!  So, you might recall that Bruce rolled “It’s So… YOU!” for miscellaneous fun.  And so to achieve that, I decorated each bedroom in the favourite colour of each of its occupants.  Here you can see Lamont sleeping in his pretty purple/pink room, and the orange and yellow room will be Laura’s.

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Upstairs we have Emilia and Pierce’s room and private bathroom, which we managed to decorate without waking them up.  We’re skilled like that.

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And here we have Bruce’s room and private bathroom!

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“Sure, soda is fun, but Four Loco is where it’s at!”
“Isn’t that illegal, Dad?”
“So?”

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“I… Bwuh… Wa– Honey, someone broke into our house and redecorated!  Again!”

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“Bwotha, me hungwy!”

Poor kids.  They don’t have good relationships with Bruce; can’t imagine why not.

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At least they aren’t freezing to death though.

“Why is it snowing on a tropical island?!”

Because why not?

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Not that my Sims were making any better decisions.

“All right!  A few feet of snow!  Time for me to make a snowman in my underwear!”

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Around this time I realized Sunlit Tides had a bit of an algae problem.  I’m sure the water is fine, right?

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So Fru Fru pops out a foal, and sadly it looks a lot like Fru Fru.  Where are my crazy horses? 😦

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“No, I do not need your supplements!”

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Bruce, should you really be drinking four coffees one after another?

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Right you are, Fru Fru.  And don’t give us a clone the second time around!

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“Look at me, mom.  I’m the next Mona Lisa.”

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“Hey there, thank you for coming to our party.  You know, we have more food insi–”

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Whoops.  Sorry about that, Clementine.

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“Damn, Grim, I’m dead?  Our family bio says I’m the mature one!”
“Not mature enough to avoid death.  Come along now.”

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“This is so unfair.  Grim took my seat!”

Well, he’s excited for presents.

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Yes, time for another gift-giving party, of course!  Complete with old people, gifts, and death.

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“A lamp?  I got a fucking lamp?!”

Poor Lamont.  Lamest teen ever.

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Whoa, Bruce, you’re interacting with your child?!

“Hmm, this little brat looks like me!  I guess it’s worth it to feed her.”

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So Sunlit Tides is a compassionate lot.

“Hell yeah, sweet sweet milk from Clementine!  Now I can stalk this family forever!”

Go away, Nina.

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“Hell yeah, I have crotch sparkles!”

Would you stop losing your cool hair every time you age up?!

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“Hmmm, fascinating… They don’t cuddle…”

Get out of here, Angarika.

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“Dammit, how does this work?  I just want to enjoy a nice soak!”

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“Wow, baby, your party was terrific.  That death was a nice touch.”

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“How about you become my girlfriend and avoid death full-time.”
“Oh you smooth talker.”

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“In fact, why don’t you marry me, now that I trapped you in the bushes?”

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Meanwhile, inside…

“Hell yeah!  Finally one step closer to ruling the world!”

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“Oh dammit!  Do I have to have an imaginary friend?  It’s so degrading!”

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“So give me something sexy.  I’ve lost my muscle, so I need something to make up for it!”

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“Dammit, get away from me!”
“But I just wanna play!”

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So because I’m an idiot, I held a bachelor party, and as always, rapidly found myself regretting it.

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“Hell yeah, happy birthday!”
“What?  It’s not my birthday…”
“Not you, the cat!”

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Nona grew into a pretty-enough cat, though Henry looks unimpressed back there.

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Not as unimpressed as Emilia though.

“What is with these zombies?!  Could they find someone else to stalk?!”

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“Grr, this is supposed to be my bachelor party and here I am, fixing the TV!”

Yeah, well, welcome to Sims bachelor parties.  Where literally everything fucking breaks the second someone so much as breathes on it.

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And when the guests aren’t breaking things, they are literally just passing out on the floor.

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“At least they didn’t break the computer!  Hell yeah!”

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The guests aren’t ALL bad I guess.  Patches cleaned up!

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Most of them, though…

“Sir, aren’t you freezing in those trunks?”
“Hee hee.  Me like little girl.”

UGH.

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“It’s okay.  I know what to do with pedophiles.”

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The party’s over, lady.

You can leave.  Any time now.

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“Yay, go Rocket!  Go!”

Go straight on out of here, rather.  Also his mother is Alegra, not Fru Fru.  Whatever.

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The next morning…

“So to make our marriage easier, how about you just move in?”

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“Bastard, he just wants me to work!”

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“Really, this is what I get to make?  This is bullshit.”

So Tonya originally only comes in with three traits: Athletic, Never Nude, and Great Kisser.  Because that’s hella boring, I saved up aspiration points and bought her a new personality: Athletic, Snob, Great Kisser, Eccentric, and Handy.

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DAMMIT JACKRABBIT.

“How did I get down here?”

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Took this just to show you Pierce’s tattoo.  How they applied a back tattoo through his arm, I’m not sure.

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“Welcome to the family, NOT MOM!”

Poor Tonya.  SHe has no idea what she got herself into.

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“Where is that little girl I’ve heard about?”

Yeah, we brought along a slave ghost.  She mostly just floats around though.

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“Look, I popped out another, are you happy?”

Not really, ugh!  Thunder here looks even more like Alegra, just with a different colour mane.  I guess he’ll do…

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“Look, I don’t care if your parents don’t care.  Don’t go out late at night!”
“Huh?”

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“Is that a butterfly, Mommy?”

Meet Sammy and Elmer.

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“Me, ignorant?!  How dare you insult this brilliant mind?!”

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“Look, I don’t know what to tell you.  My son his evil, my granddaughter is evil, and I cannot be held responsible if they set fire to your gnomes.”

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And now it’s time for a special episode in my legacy… The Pee Wedding.

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Ahem.  It’s wedding time.  You do that after the wedding.

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“So what do you say?  Marriage?”

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“Ugh, Bruce, hurry up and get my ring out, I really need to pee!”
“But the guests aren’t all here yet!”

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“Oh my god, did the bride just pee herself?”

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“Gosh, what a great wedding party, don’t you think, Alegra?”

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“Come on, Bruce, hurry up.  I peed my pants and I really want a shower!”

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“Oh, what a lovely cake…”
“Dammit, who broke the hot tube?”
“The hot tub is broken?!”
“Bruce broke the hot tub.  It definitely wasn’t me.”

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“How dare you accuse me of breaking the hot tub?!  Sheer garbage!  Now get out of my horse!”

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“This cake is great and all, but I really need to pee!”

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Dude, the ceremony ended hours ago.

You can stop clapping.

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“Oh, I just can’t hold it anymore!”

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“Where’s my foal?!  Has anyone seen my foal?!”

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“Wow, Emilia, really?  Surely you’re potty-trained.”

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“Let’s hurry this up, Tonya.  I need a piss.”

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Dammit, Bruce, you’re literally right in front of the toilet!

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“Oh how embarrassing.  I hope no one saw this.”

And thus concludes the Pee Wedding.

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“Stupid sink, I’m feeling queasy and I have to fix it!”

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“Well I’m registered as an Equestrian now.  Wonder why I feel so odd?”

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“Oh, DAMMIT, Pierce!”


And thus concludes this chapter of my TS3 Legacy.  Next time: will Emilia and I kill Pierce for getting her autonomously pregnant (yep, that wasn’t planned)?  Did we manage to get Tonya pregnant?  Will my Sims ever stop peeing themselves?  Who DID break that hot tub?  Perhaps we will answer these questions next time.

Tschuess.

 

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TS3 Legacy: Evil Bruce Hunting

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