TS3 Legacy: Death on Speed Dial

A title like that ages me, doesn’t it?  Oh well.

Welcome back to my TS3 Legacy!  Last time we were here, the spares from the previous neighborhood moved out and the final child of the 8th generation was born.  Let us now return to the household that rivals Olive Specter’s for deaths!

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It’s a very solemn swim for Jessica on this beautiful Sunset Tides day.

“Think, think, how can I upstage my faerie toddler sister?!”

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“Who is this?  Laura… Laura… Let me look at my speech bubble… Oh, Laura my daughter!”

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“So can you believe it.  Pierce is still alive, and still able to impregnate me!”
“Ugh, that’s awful.  Thank god I finally popped out that fourth brat.  Do I look like the mothering type to you?”

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While those two gossip, Bruce has bigger problems.

“No, Jackrabbit, no!  What about the butt-shaping race?!”

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“*sniff* Grim, tell me you will take good care of his butt.”
“Yeah, yeah, Bruce, he’ll be fine.  Legacies, I swear…”

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Meet Daisy!

“Yeah, great, it was a long drive from the rescue ranch, so if I could get some sleep–”

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“Who’s a cute wittle horsie?!  Who is, who is?!”
“Oh my gosh, it’s the human I’ve heard so much about, and he’s talking to me!

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Seriously, all of the animals love him.  Here’s a rare sweet picture.

“Hmmm, maybe I should go check on the baby.  Shit knows this human won’t.”

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Foals require sacrifices.  Luckily we have plenty of “volunteers”!

“Don’t you want to play tag, Jessica?”
“In a minute, I’m feeding this horse with a milk bottle bigger than my head!”

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Alert, there’s a faerie explosion in the bedroom!

And why are there still two cribs in there?  Good job, me.

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“Derrrrrr, did I grow up right?”

That might be debatable, yeah.

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“You know, you weren’t really what I was expecting.  I thought you’d at least become a cooler-looking doll.”

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Tonya, get away from there!

“Come on, you bovine beast, you want some of this?!  Huh?!  Huh?!”

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At least the cats are getting along.  Well, in theory.  Snowy’s face looks a bit less than pleased there.

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See, though?  Just some nice, polite sniffing.

“You smell weird, my friend.”
“Wanna make kittens?”
“Sure, why not.”

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Does anyone else get ridiculous paparazzi, or am I the only lucky one?

“Hello, is this the Mardi Gras party for Modesty International?”

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“Jackrabbit, my friend, it is time I join you.”

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“Didn’t a pet just die?!”

Yes, but I could never resist a good two-for-one deal!

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“Boooo, you all suck!”

Oh shut up, Grim.  Just take Henry and get out of here.

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“Yay, the cat died on my birthday!”

I swear she’s not Evil.

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“Ta-daaaaaa!”

Okay, at this point I fell in love with Jessica, because she’s a little Sasha clone!  That and her Charles faces.

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Much as I mock the paparazzi, they’re kind of the only reason Daisy wasn’t taken away by the social worker.

“I’ll just feed this horse while waiting for the party to start!”

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“Here, Daisy, let me clean you up a bit.  All that snow must be chilly!”

Says the teen wearing a summer dress in a blizzard.

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“So what are you people doing in my kitchen?”
“You invited us.  For a party.  And I’m your son.
“Oh.”

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“Augh, the Cow Plant took my hand!”

Well then leave it alone!

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“What, marriage?  Fuck no.  Fuck.  No.”

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“Seriously, marriage is like living in a nuclear waste dump.  It leeches the life right out of you.”

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“You’re totally right, Laura.  No marriage for me, ever.”

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Excuse me?!

“What?  We’re just having a little fun!”

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“Mom said the remote might be– Hey, what’s going on in here?”
“Oh nothing at all, young lady!  Just admiring the crown!”
“Why are you in your pajamas?!”
“Oh, this isn’t a slumber party?”

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“God, I hate that stupid woman.  Grim snowman, can’t you do something?!”

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“Why can’t you leave this family alone?!  I know what you did to my half-brother!”
“Fight, fight, fight!”
“Oh shut up, Schwarzenegger Wannabee!”

So I continue to get along with the family.

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I don’t seem too ruffled though.

“Gosh, what a great party!  This family is just so friendly!”

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“Oh yeah, living here is great.  We have an ice cream machine and honey and fried food!”

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“I dunno, I think I prefer a family with a bit more seriousness.  I really like science and logic.”

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“What?  Haven’t you seen my big brother Lamont?  We’re totally scientific too!”
“I heard he was an artsy-fartsy!”
“How dare you!”

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Charles!  You missed the party.

“I dropped my ice cream!”

Well I can’t do much to help you with that.

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“So then she said that art can never be scientific!  Can you buy me tickets to the movie Frankenstein’s Art Show?  Please?”
“I don’t know…”

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“Oh come on, give me that cake!”

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You!  What have you done to Jessica?!

“Nothing!”

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“Hmph, who is screaming outside?  I’m trying to enjoy my fried coasters!”

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“See, she’s totally fine!”

Yeah, this time.

“How many more times do you think you can keep this joke about us being serial killers going?”

Forever, because I know your ways.

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“Huh, do I feel something approaching me as I do this?  Nah, must be my imagination.”

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“Ugh!  Faeries, leave me alone!”

Daisy is mighty muscular considering she was probably starved her entire foalhood.

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Dammit, Jessica, get away from there!

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“This wouldn’t be a problem if you’d get rid of the cow plant.”

But where’s the fun in that?

“And you call me a serial killer…”

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“Please, human!  I need to pee!”
“Then do it, Daisy, this is just training.  Learn how to pee with a human!”

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Okay, so, I sent Tonya to a party and she decided to start playing the guitar.  I doubleclicked to check on her and saw this.

The picture absolutely does not do it justice.  I uploaded the video to Photobucket; it is hysterical.

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“Jessica, you’re the best sister ever!”

Why, another cutesy photo!

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“I see what you’re looking at, and the answer is no.”

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“Hell yeah, finally built one of these puppies!  Time to give it a test drive.  Won’t need my umbrella for that!”

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Eeeeeee!

“Yeah, I know, my genetics rock.”

Meet Duke and EvilGenius.

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I like how Bruce has his feet like they’re in stirrups.  Good flex there.

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“You poor little kittens, here, let me get you out of the rain…”

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“Hmmm, this racing thing isn’t so hard.  And it makes my mane look fabulous.”

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“Jessica, if you could pet the cat somewhere else, that’d be great.”

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“Come join us, Natasha.  Joinnnn uuuuusssss–”
“Look, not today, I have homework to do.”

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“And if I tap my screwdriver on this boot right here…”

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Bruce, get away from there!

“That’s right, lift your head up like this, I need to check on your udder.”

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“Dad told me about stalkers… If I just ignore them, they should walk away…”

Not if they’re paparazzi, they won’t.

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“Yo, barista, hit me up.  I’ve had a long day of inventing.”

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“Sigh, what a dead coffeehouse…”

As you can see in the far right, even the proprietors in my game end up goofy.  Nothing like a mage hat with what looks like a tuxedo to complete your look!

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Natasha tends to get invited to spend the day afterschool at a friend’s, but she’s not necessarily good at socializing.

“Hey!  You through the front door!  What’s the answer?!”

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“Mom, I swear I was just fishing!”
“I don’t care what you were doing, young woman!  I have aliens vibrating through my neck and I’m not in the mood for your excuses!”

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“Garbage?!  Don’t you dare call my garden garbage!  I have the best garden in the neighborhood, I’ll have you know!”

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“Listen, I don’t care about your school essay, someone has insulted my garden and I must make them pay!”
“But Dad–!”
PAY!

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“Maybe I can get some deeper knowledge if I go back into the past… There must be some way to turn a metal boot into a robot!”

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“The nerve of these people, insulting my precious garden!  What do they know about watering plants and carefully tending to their very needs?!”

Right, that’s why you have weed-choked plants in the background.

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Poor Natasha’s ability to make friends is still not stellar.

“Boooo, you suck, niece!”

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“Look, can’t we try to get along?  I don’t expect us to be some icky rosey family team but at least help me with this homework.”

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“See, we even have a lot in common!  We both love TV!”

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“Freakin’ kids.  They get to play around while I’m stuck making dinner.”

Oh shush, Emilia, I don’t even control you anymore.  You get to do what you want.

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“Okay, now that I’m home, it’s birthday time!”

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“That’s right, paparazzi, I’m awesome!”

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“Please miss ghost, won’t you feed us?  We’re so hungry…”

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“This freakin’ family, I swear.  Killing me and then using me as a slave!”

But you’re so dutiful!  How could we not?

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“Come on, fried magnificence, I’m waiting for you…”

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Oh yeah, that looks good all right.  Mmm-mmm.

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“Oh Daisy, let us play in this beach paradise!”

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“Come, Daisy, let us race in this beach paradise!”
“Human, I already have a mate and request you put some pants on.  Until then, I shall wipe my eyes from my face.”

Seriously, what’s going on in this photo?!

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“Gads, this homework is a nightmare.  Maybe booze would help clear my mind.”

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“Seriously, sis, what in the world do they expect from us?  Astrophysics?!”
“I don’t know, let’s ask the cats.  Hey Snowy, what is the velocity of a rocket if…”

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“Well, I’ve done all I can to maintain my hot body.”

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Oh no no no.  No, that’s not Tonya.

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That’s much better, even if Tonya doesn’t agree.

“Horned glasses?!  Seriously?!”

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Me, working Bruce too hard?  I have no idea what you mean.

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Oh, great.  Who got eaten this time?

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Wait a minute, I know that Sim in the paparazzi’s thought bubble…

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“Bruce, come, it is your time…”

Wait, Bruce?!

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Bruce, what were you doing?!

“I was hungry after I woke up from my naked nap!”

There’s food in the house!

“But the cake looked so good!  And I must say, Grim, you make a fine cake.”

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Booze: apply directly to the forehead!
Booze: apply directly to the forehead!
Booze: apply directly to the forehead!

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“There, there, cow plant.  You were just doing what you were designed to do.  No hard feelings!”

Yeah, well, this won’t do.  Go inside and rub that new lamp.

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“AUGH, that shock hurts!”

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“Oh great, I got assigned to this household.  Yeah, take a photo of me, it’ll last longer.”

Oh shut up.

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“So I was kind of hoping you’d bring him back not still a ghost, you know?”
“What do I look like, a magician?”
“Well, kind of…”

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“Oh fine, here you go.  Why you want him back is beyond me.”
“Believe me, sir, I wish I could tell you why.”

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“God, I’m starving!”

So how about you go into the kitchen this time, eh?

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“Nonsense.  I’ll just go outside and drink myself!  God I taste good!”

Ew.

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“Oh sure, Mom gets to resurrect Dad while I’m stuck with the smelly horses.”

To be fair, your father probably smelled pretty bad when brought back, what with the grave and all.

“Good point.”

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Jessica could have helped, but she was busy with a boyfriend. *gasp!*

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And a romantic first kiss by the front door…

Meet Trent Pleasant!  Son of Mary Sue and Daniel Pleasant.  Presumably, they abandoned him on the island when returning to Pleasantview.

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“Look, I Know you said marriage is out, but you can’t reject me for a kiss in front of the skanky paparazzi.  It’ll be all over the papers!”

Actually this might be her uncle she’s talking to… The hair is similar but her uncle is a faerie, so not sure.

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Ahhh, nothing more romantic than staring up at the second story of your girlfriend’s house.

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“Look, I’m sorry, but I’m way too tired for this nonsense.  That and I’m being stalked by a schnauzer.”

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“Yeah, look, to get a boyfriend you have to be suave and subtle, not abrasive and– Mom, you’re totally in our personal space, could you move?!”

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“Augh, why did they have to send me to this house?!  This is the house of death!  AUGH!”

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“Okay, look, you might be ‘imaginary’, but you have a reflection and I can see you, so get out of here so I can shower!”

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“Mwahahahahaha!  Gnomes of the Beach, I have slain your precious hero!  YOu all must now bow down before me, your new supreme leader!  Do so or be destroyed!
“Noooo, Mr. Gnome!”


And on that beautiful note, we end this chapter.  Next time: who will be heir?  Will Tonya achieve her inventing dreams?  Will my Sims stop attempting suicide by cowplant?  Has evil triumphed over good in the battle of the gnomes?  See you next time.

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TS3 Legacy: Death on Speed Dial

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